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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Simon's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]
Sunday, August 5th, 2012
1:22 pm
I love Balderdash:
The Cow:

(a) A farmer devoted to his livestock finds a baby calf wandering across his pasture. He adopts it, only to find out every night the calf - now a cow - has eaten one of his other animals.

(b) A German family discovers a talking cow, but must slaughter it to support the Nazi war machine.

(c) A man is driven insane by suspicion when his beloved cow dies a natural death.

(d) A woman mocked for being morbidly obese is cursed by a travelling witch to consume everyone who slights her.

(e) The farm's prize heifer is about to be sold unless the boy Jimmy can save the day.

(f) An obese Irish pig farmer saves Christmas with the power of friendship.

[Answer in the comments.]

(2 works of fiction | give me something to read)

Tuesday, February 8th, 2011
11:58 am

(2 works of fiction | give me something to read)

Sunday, January 23rd, 2011
7:44 pm
Just a couple links that should be shared:
Jen turned me on to a particularly good blogger a while ago. I've enjoyed her posts tremendously, and if you're looking for something to fill a slow weekend with sometime she has a pretty robust archive for you to thumb through. She writes largely about atheism, sexuality and feminist issues. I've found a lot of good stuff in here, and hopefully you will too. I admire her for her clarity of expression, frankness and humour.

If you're looking to spend a few minutes clutching desperately at your abdomen, cursing the pain through tears of laughter, I have the scratch for that itch as well. If you're interested in mixed martial arts, his... works on that topic are a particular source of delight and joy. Fans of hyperbole and truly epic similes, as I'm pretty sure all of you are, will feel right at home.

(Yes, I mostly wanted to write a new post so I could use my updated icon. Shutupshutup.)

Current Mood: amused

(7 works of fiction | give me something to read)

Monday, December 27th, 2010
2:34 am
Achievement Unlocked:
Everyone (but Chris, who has not left yet) has arrived safely in Switzerland. Also they have wi-fi here.

(1 work of fiction | give me something to read)

Tuesday, October 19th, 2010
1:24 pm
Oh my fucking god projects everywhere...

Current Mood: rushed

(6 works of fiction | give me something to read)

Wednesday, September 29th, 2010
8:28 pm
Former teacher turned full time poet/standup Taylor Mali. I found out about him through pharyngula, and got briefly sucked into youtubery when I should have been studying. I think there's a little something for everybody here.

More funny stuffCollapse )

This one's not a performance peice, but it definitely hit close to home. If you've ever wanted to be an artist, you probably know what I'm talking about. (Oh god please don't let me be the only one.)

Aaaaand the stuff that made me cry.Collapse )

And for those looking for a pick me up after that, here's my favourite. A poem I want to memorize for Jen, and just short enough that I might be able to do it. Until then, here it is by proxy, love. :>)

Current Mood: pleased

(give me something to read)

Sunday, August 15th, 2010
11:05 am
Farmville, we hardly knew ye:
Facebook account deleted.

(6 works of fiction | give me something to read)

Saturday, April 17th, 2010
2:15 am
Boners for Boardgames:
Oh my god Dominion is amazing. It is so amazing I don't even

Current Mood: distressed

(10 works of fiction | give me something to read)

Monday, April 5th, 2010
7:10 pm
A First:
Cooked dinner for the whole family for the first time today. It went over really well. I was worried there wasn't going to be enough, but everyone polished their plates, and no one's snacking yet. It feels really, really good cooking for people. ...when it works, anyway.

Recipe under here...Collapse )

(4 works of fiction | give me something to read)

Saturday, March 27th, 2010
8:48 pm
Doing tax stuff got me in a cleaning/organizing state of mind, which had me looking through some old notebooks that've been taking up space on my desk since high school ended. All of them had theirs covers nearly worn off their spiraled spines. One was completely empty, as I'd long since taken out the pages that had character notes and plot ideas for The Novel I wanted to have written in high school. It made me happy to flip through that notebook, because I remembered how little I'd had to say, and how much more satisfied I am at having put that goal behind me.
Another notebook was filled with... regrettable high school poetry. The less spoken about it the better, I think. It was uncomfortable to read, to say the least. There may or may not have been raps. Oh good lord the raps. I'm pretty sure they're somewhere on this LJ too; resplendent in their awfulness. Thankfully the early posts in this thing are so childish and filled with internet quizzes that no one will ever want to go looking for them. (Please do not go looking for them.)
I think my favourite thing about finding those... writings... was realizing that I'd actually copied them from another earlier notebook filled with crappy poetry. These were the best of the best pieces of crap I'd written! It goes without saying that it was a distinct pleasure to toss them in the recycling bin.
Finally, in the last notebook I found a worthy endeavor. I had tried, in three double-sided spiral-bound pages, to rehabilitate the Rifts RPG. I did this in my first year at university, when I should have been writing essays about the bildungsroman, or studying for my philosophy midterm. I remember spending hours on the phone with Jay, still going to Sault College at the time, trying to get rid of some of the ambiguity in the rules, trying to simplify the system by getting rid of MDC, and codifying how to generate character stats. It was great fun.
I was about to toss it out when I got to the last page, and knew I had to make some part of it permanent. The rules I'd come up with were as arbitrary as the originals, and the plot of the game I was planning to run was pretty dumb too (why did I ever think Xel'Naga was a cool villain?!), but there was one truly great thing to come out of all that time and effort: a list of post-apocalyptic bar and band names.
They are profoundly stupid, and profoundly awesome. If someone you know is looking for a band name that is a perfect expression of adolescent nineties attitude, pass them on. Encourage your loved ones to get one of these badboys as a tattoo. There were dozens more of these, but I've copied only the best of the best.

If there was an "Illuminated Manuscript" font for LJ, this would be the time to use it...Collapse )

Current Mood: amused

(6 works of fiction | give me something to read)

Monday, March 22nd, 2010
3:34 pm
My shmoopy thoughts for the day:
Love is being squashed by zeppelins over MSN.
Love is knowing that someone will hold Martin Heidegger's arms so you have an easier time kicking him in the nuts.
Love is going to the pub after you've left a long dead German philosopher clutching in pain at his crotch, and just laughing and laughing until tears are rolling down your face.

Current Mood: loved

(9 works of fiction | give me something to read)

3:05 pm
How to do things way cooler than you're currently doing them:
I fucking love the internet.

I fucking love the internet.

I fucking love the internet.


Current Mood: giddy

(8 works of fiction | give me something to read)

Monday, February 22nd, 2010
2:32 pm
The Best Advice:
I am so addicted to this channel. It has some of the sanest advice and observation in it, but this really took the cake. "That's how you become the One."

Current Mood: bouncy

(7 works of fiction | give me something to read)

12:20 pm

(1 work of fiction | give me something to read)

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010
12:18 am
Conversations with mistress_gwen
Explaining how to deal with a cat's anal glands:

Me: So, how do you get rid of the smells?
mistress_gwen: Well, here's the thing. Either you don't, or you do, and you have to do it every few months. Basically, anal glands do one thing: lubricate poop. If the poop doesn't have the right amount of mouse bones and hair in it to need lube, the lube sits there. Then it gets bored and decides to torment the living. Once that happens, you can only submit, or you can squeeze it out, knowing that it will return, angrier than before.

Current Mood: lolomfg

(2 works of fiction | give me something to read)

Saturday, January 30th, 2010
1:52 pm
Dowdy Kitchen Man Has Had Enough:

Courtesy of the awesome mistress_gwen.

Current Mood: giddy

(4 works of fiction | give me something to read)

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010
12:28 am
How to Master the Neck In Three Easy Steps!!@1!
I can now do a sloppy version of Sam Roberts' Bridge to Nowhere on guitar. At least, I can play the verse and chorus. The bridge has chord changes that I just don't have the speed for... yet. This is exciting stuff. I love this song to pieces, and that's going to transmute practicing it over and over again from a chore to a genuine pleasure, which in turn means I'm going to build my meagre guitar skills all the faster. Which means I'll be able to play more songs that I like, which in turn will make me better at playing songs, which...
Positive feedback loops: exploit the everloving shit out of them. They're like real life Experience Eggs.

Current Mood: geeky

(2 works of fiction | give me something to read)

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009
1:31 pm

(3 works of fiction | give me something to read)

Thursday, November 5th, 2009
1:46 pm
The cure for lolcat fatigue.

(4 works of fiction | give me something to read)

Monday, July 27th, 2009
10:28 pm
Oh god. So good. I want to buy a sound system like a Tiny God so I can listen to Stadium Arcadium more better.

Current Mood: euphoric

(give me something to read)

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